Video 04 → No, Really, I'm Just Curious.

[irregular]

[Filtered from Weiss]

[Ken, wearing a blue apron, is standing in what appears to be the stockroom of Nectar.]

So...

[He hesitates for a moment, gazing around himself apprehensively, clearly worried he might be overheard. When he turns back to the screen, he closes his eyes briefly and takes a deep breath, as if steeling himself for something.]

What would it take to make you decide you couldn't be yourself any more?

Comments

I really shouldn't be doing this but OH GOD you pinged her.

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

There isn't anything that could make me give myself up. That's the coward's way out, okay?

[This hedges a little too close to what she fought and died to prevent: parasitic brain slugs that take away your free will and make you into their puppets. And there is nothing that pisses Rachel off as much as those 'voluntary Controllers' who willingly surrendered their lives to the Yeerks, who willingly betrayed themselves.]

I don't care what the problem is. Get pushed, push back. You fight as hard as you can, but you don't give up. You don't give in.

If 'not being yourself anymore' is the only solution you can think of, keep thinking.

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

I'm not asking for myself!

[Someone's defensive. That would be because someone also agrees with everything she's saying - or thought he did up until a few days ago, anyway. He just can't work out how he's supposed to keep on thinking that when someone like Omi could--

[No, it just doesn't make sense. And the more he talks about this, the more confused he's starting to feel.]

I mean-- it's just something's been bugging me the last couple days. You're right. There's got to be a better way. God damn it!

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

Good, because if you were, you're a sweet-looking guy and I'd have to kick your butt. I don't think either one of us would enjoy that.

[Says a tall, thin, blond, teenage girl. She laughs at her own swagger, before turning serious again.]

Look, another guy was asking a question like this earlier. And I told him, yeah, I would sacrifice myself for my friends. And that I'd lost parts of myself, let changes happen to me that probably would have creeped me out years ago. But you know what? Through all of that, that was still me being me. I mean, there's sacrifice, and then there's playing dead.

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

Really, it was just a thought I had...

[Perhaps fortunately, Ken knows better than to laugh at this claim. He's seen enough unlikely people turn round and do unexpected things to believe that it would be totally beyond this girl to at least try. He doesn't exactly look like much either.

[Also hey, are you me?]

Stuff like that's different. If you're doing something because it's what you want to do, that's fine, even if you're gonna lose something. You can sacrifice a lot without ever losing who you are, though.

You're right. There's gotta be another answer.

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

There's always another solution.

If there's something in your way, you break it.

[Again, she laughs self-mockingly.]

I mean, it's not always the smartest thing to do, and sometimes I can come up with something better if I give myself another minute, but you know what? Just breaking it is a lot more exciting.

[1/2]

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

[... seriously, are you me but a girl? I think I need to know this.]

[2/2]

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

Could work.

[Maybe that's Omi's problem? He's trying to be subtle and think round... well, whatever problem it is that's had him deciding the best way to cope is to be a jerk at it until it goes away when it'd make a lot more sense to flatten it?

[It makes sense to Ken.]

It's better just to get this stuff over with. You sit around waiting for what's the smartest thing to do too long and it's only gonna get worse.

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I don't have a lot of patience with slow and subtle. I mean, I can do it, because there's attacking first and there's being stupid, but a lot of the time, I'd rather not.

You know?

Keywords Relevant? *brick'd*

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

[Hello, my name is Ken Hidaka, ask me about the time I jumped on a tentacle monster.]

Yeah, totally... sure the other way gets results for some people but for me... well, jumping on stuff first saves time when chances are I'm only gonna have to do it anyway. Might as well strike first, right?

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Law of the jungle: eat or be eaten. And striking first really helps in that.

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Spend too long thinking and somebody's already taken a chunk out your leg. No thank you.

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

[Well, she has ways to fix that. :D Yay body that can reconstitute itself from DNA at will?]

Yeah.

...Man, I know myself well enough to be scared of someone who agrees with me that much.

[1/2]

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm not scary!

[2/2]

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

[Beat.]

Am I?

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

I don't know. You tell me.

[She laughs and bats her eyelashes.]

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

[Just. That face right there.]

Hey, I'm not! Really!

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

Sure you aren't.

[She smiles.]

If you saw that a kid was about to slip and fall down a flight of stairs, what would you do?

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

Catch them.

[Of course. What else would I do? The answer is immediate and instinctive, he clearly hasn't even had to think about it. Then, actually thinking about the question now, he elaborates a little:]

If I can't do that I'd try and break their fall. Why'd you ask?

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

[She nods in approval. That'll do.]

Okay. Next question: what if they fell into, I don't know, a crocodile pit?

Would you try to catch them or break their fall then?

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

[This time there is a momentary hesitation but the answer, when it comes, is no less convinced.]

Yeah. I'd do what I could to keep them safe. I'd rather be in danger and have some chance of getting out okay than a kid who's definitely not gonna be.

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

So you'd be a hero? No matter what?

That can be kinda scary, but I still think it's cool. I mean, so would I, in that situation.

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

[He's glad to hear she would, too. He smiles briefly.]

It's not about being a hero though. It's... it's just if I can stop something bad from happening, I gotta at least try to. Otherwise what good am I doing?

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

[Another nod.]

Yeah, I get what you're saying. If you know, you can't ever not know.

[insorrow.livejournal.com]

[Well, that sounds familiar.

[Ken doesn't press for why, though. He's well aware that sometimes you just don't want to answer stuff like that. If you know you can do something, you always know. The knowledge is just there whether you're on a mission or waiting for the bus...]

That's basically it. You can't pretend you don't know how to help sometimes just because it'd be easier if you didn't.

[xwargoddess.livejournal.com]

[You and I are gonna get along just fine.]

What's your name? I'm Rachel.